I have a hard time controlling this car if there

MANUAL TRANSMISSION? or auto, well no matter
the transfer case matters./
FIRST TIME EVER USING PART TIME 4WD, CAR?
IF YES IT ONLY WORKS OF ROAD OR ICE/SNOW, NO ON PAVEMENT UNLESS COVERED IN ICE SNOW.
IT IS NOT FULL TIME 4WD OR AWD.
i CAN NOT SHIFT THE 4WD LEVER TO NEUTRAL YOU MEANT?
WELL THAT MEANS YOU WOUND UP THE FRONT AND REAR AXLES LIKE A SPRING,AND THE ONLY CURE IS 1 WHEEL(TIRE) MOVE TO DIRT.?(ICE) OR MORE.
THEN IT UNWINDS.
This car has no center differential.
and is not AWD or full time 4wd,
it s part time, means (ice or dirt ) said simple
moving car like that steering goes wild and fights you.
4wd is pure ww2 jeep like or like my new jeep wrangler
the user guide lost 32 years ago tells this same story..
of dry pavement locked , are you.
jack one wheel off ground and it un-winds.
with PART time 4wd, turning the inside wheel spin slower
and you wind it up just like clock. a very unsafe practice

The ESP button turns off your Electronic Stability Program. When that function is off, your vehicle will not respond as quickly and aggressively to your driving conditions. The ESP system actually applies your brakes just a little bit to specific wheels when you make a hard turn. It helps keep your car under control when you make a sudden swerve or hard, fast turn. You would only really want to turn it off when you want to let the vehicle deliver all the power possible to the wheels. If you are just driving normally, leave the button alone. It is a great safety system. ESP does for ABS what ABS does for standard brakes.

no -- provided there is something to allow the wind up torque of the axles to dissipate ( release) (wet roads ,gravel , snow ,ice grass, there will be no problems
Trouble can be expected it driving in 4wd on hard dry surface

check the road surface you are on when you select the 4wd button. If you are on any surface that will not allow tyre slip ( hard surface ) then you will experience a torque wind up in the drive train that will cause your problems. 4wd should only be used on slippery surfaces - mud ,snow, ice, gravel-- and should be engaged at rest if on hard surface

If it will not disengage the transfer case out of 4wd drive then pull it and have it checked out . Understand that if you drive in 4WD on hard surfaces then there is drive line torque wind up that occurs as the front and rear wheels cannot even out the differences in travelled distance because there is no mechanism to allow this to happen . Consequently any shifting mechanism like levers -actuators - motors will not shift as the teeth load prevents it from happening..4w is for off road and snow and ice conditions where the wheels can slip and equal out the wind up. Any way driving in 4wd on hard surfaces dramatically increases fuel consumption from the torque wind up situation.

All wheel drive is just that-- All wheel drive-- not to be confused with 4 wheel drive . The difference is with AWD there is a 3rd diff in the transmission that allows the front and rear wheels to operate at different road speeds . When 4wd is selected that 3rd diff is locked and so both front and rear wheels drive at the same speed regardless of ups and downs in the road surface . This results in a torque wind up in the drive train and places load on "U" joints --splines --CV joints and gear teeth . The grinding on turning corners will be the CV joints trying not to flex because of the torque wind up . How to prevent this problem=== Do not use 4wd on hard road surfaces === as the tyres cannot slip to relieve the torque Restrict the 4wd use to snow , mud and loose surfaces TO fix the problem unselect 4wd drive and reverse several yards to release the pressure in the drive train and the actuator has a chance to pull the gear out of lock up. If that doesn't work check that the actuator is actually working

Sounds like you need new shocks all around for the Swaying & Rough Roads stuff.
As far as the Ice and snow try snow tires but you have to realize its a pretty big car and may not handle very well in the snow.

You have an intermittant problem with the stability control that has to be addressed at some point and that would be a good time for them to inspect the suspension for anything that could be triggering those symptoms.

With all due respect, what the H___ are you doing driving in 2 Feet of SNOW? The rumbling noise you hear is most likely caused from Snow being impacted in the CV Joints, Wheel Wells and anywhere else from freezing in place after driving in the "Deep Snow". The solution is to have the care raised on a Hoist and Pressure Washed to remove all Snow and Ice from the the entire Bottom Side of the Vehicle. It then should be allowed to dry thoroughly in that building before being driven. Additionally, if any noises occur upon exiting that facility turn around and have it repaired before it costs you untold thousands of dollars to repair.

Next time you have "DEEP SNOW" wait until the Roads have been cleared, salted or sanded and are back down to pavement before driving on them.

Sounds like you have a bad spark plug wire. Start the vehicle, then take a squirt bottle of water and spray around the plug wires. You should find it. It'll look like static around the bad one. Also you should get the misfire. You'll probably find a worn area on the wire. Best wishes to you.