The phone isn't telling me when I get a new text or email. Nor is it vibrating.

SOURCE: Trying to Forward Forwarded Text Messages to Email

Try saving the pictures to your phone first than sending them to your e mail

SOURCE: Connection problems

what is the master reset for lg vx8500

SOURCE: On my LG VOYAGER I turn it on to vibrate but it doesnt!

Sounds like the thing that actually vibrates is broken. Take it to verizon tech.

SOURCE: on the LG KP500 can you get a text alert of an appointment?

Set your appointment through your calendar. It will indicate when you wished to be notified and how long you want to be notified. If your worried about the sound of the alert when you receive your appointment notification, then change the default sound within your settings.

SOURCE: lg renoir phone - sound issue

You are in the right place but looking at the wrong option, if you scroll down on the Normal profile you will see a message tone option, if you are not hearing a tone at the moment then I suspect it will say "No Sound". Tab this option and select Existing sound, you will then be able to navigate through the sound files on your phone and choose one of the Default Sounds (from the folder by the same name) or an MP3 or other supported sound file you have added to your phone.

If that doesn't solve your problem then you may have a faulty phone.

You can change the sound you get when sound alert is switched on by going to Settings > Touch Settings > Touchscreen Effect and choosing a different sound from the Tone option. You can also change the volume of the tone of severity of touch vibration here.