How to end Compaq CQ70 misery

I have owned a CQ70 for 2 years 2 months. Before I reveal my tips, here's my experience:
On purchase:
- quick start guide doesn't even show keys and switches, how to use camera, etc
- no software or manual supplied, only useless safety guide CD
- request for info to Compaq online: they returned a form to let them know how well they had served me when they hadn't served me at all
- subsequent requests unanswered
- complaint to www2.hp.com returned a worm called HTML-script-inf
First year:
- keyboard failed after 2 months; replaced under warranty
- screen failed after just under a year; replaced under warranty
- sound regularly disappears; have to reboot
- carrying bag burst within 6 months
- SD card reader worked intermittently for a few months, then not at all
Second year:
- I accidentally discovered the touchpad disable button; it doesn't work
- battery expired after 18 months
- replacement screen started to fail after 18 months
Now:
- replacement screen failed completely after 2 years 2 months
- I get electric shocks off the left side
- it generates constant flow of "Enter" commands; keyboard, mouse, USB ports cleaned to no avail; clears on reboot for a few hours (no viruses / worms - I regularly check)
- the HDD will not start spinning on mains power; I have to remove power cord and start on battery only, then replace power cord

Tip #1: I understand from a friend who works for HP that the good components go into the HP series and all the s*** into the Compaq series, so DON'T BUY COMPAQ.
Tip #2: If you have already bought one, put it in the bin or use it for landfill
Tip #3: If you want a reliable computer that will last for years, buy a cheap and cheerful Taiwanese no-brand. We've got two - they're great.